Friday the 13th: what's the worst that could happen?

As the end of the year draws near, we’re faced with a prospect that conjures an inevitable feeling of dread - yes, I’m talking about Friday the 13th.

Imagine what it would feel like to be granted bad luck by the leprechauns after all the clovers this year has granted (not Irish, just feeling the metaphor). Imagine starting 2020 with the feeling that everything was going to go well and having that dream shat on. Imagine your 2020-vision being snuffed like a pissy little candle thanks to forces completely out of your control. 

(No, I can’t either.)

Anyway, here are a few things that could happen to you on Friday the 13th that would probably-maybe be the worst thing that happened to you this year. (I don’t want to hear about your actual problems, don’t @ me).

You could be this dusty old racist statue

Bye bye Eddie

You could be caught on the wrong side of history 😬

Looking at you, JK.

You could be called Soshal Distanz

Cute name, hun, but it ain’t your year.

You could be solely responsible for destroying someone’s vintage teapot collection

That’s got to be at least 40 years bad luck.

You could be Carole Baskin’s hubby

By which I mean almost certainly ground up and fed to tigers.

You could have 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.

Sorry Zoomers we’re not explaining this one to you.

You could be the kind of person who restarts a new Zoom call every 40 minutes rather than paying £12 for a month of awkward human interaction.

Yeah, me too.

You could be a songwriter tasked with writing Lewis Capaldi an upbeat club banger

Stay in your lane, sadboi.

You could have returned from a morning of golf to find out you lost your job with the whole world watching

Boo fucking hoo.

Anyway, I hope your life doesn’t get interrupted by a global pandemic or anything in 2021, can’t imagine what that would be like.